A couple months ago, I completely lost my shit on Reid.
While getting ready for work, I asked him to check on the weather. He was laying in bed, playing on his phone... he responded that he was in the middle of playing his game and would check when he was done.
That was all he said....
and then I completely lost it.
Banging my fists, slamming doors, hysterically crying...
I was livid... why could he not stop playing Diamond Digger for one second and tell me what the temperature was supposed to be? Didn't he know that my clothing choices are limited and clearly, I was already upset about hating my work wardrobe. And couldn't he see that he was the one preventing me from getting ready? By withholding this important weather information, he was ruining my day.
And why is he being so insensitive?
Doesn't he know I'm pregnant?
The look on Reid's face will forever haunt me.
It was one of complete shock and terror.
He grabbed the dogs, muttered something under his breath about hormones and then went down stairs.
I had no clue what the hell had come over me.
I had just flipped some crazy switch and went from 0 to 10 in less than a second.
So I did what any crazy woman would do...
I locked myself in the bathroom.
Cried hard. Like that ugly dry heave cry.
And tried to figure out what the hell just happened...
I calmed down and figured out that it was so not his fault.
I realized I was the one being insensitive.
I was being crazy.
This was pregnancy rage in all it's glory.
When I was able to look both myself and Reid in the eye, I ventured downstairs and made my apologies, mostly blaming it on the baby and the fact that I felt like death.
(this episode went down towards the end of my first trimester)
I told him he would have to just bare with me while I explore all that pregnancy has to offer. Hormones, sore boobs, constant feeling that I am about to throw up and the ability to go from sweet, nice Caroline to total raging bitch Caroline in the blink of an eye.
Pregnancy rage is truly a crazy thing.
I am normally a peppy, happy person and try to give a smile to everyone I see. Now, the smallest things just set me off and my patience is totally gone. My private office at work has become my sanctuary and my snack drawer my saving grace. More and more people walk by my office and say "Wow, that is some grumpy face you are making." I am really not trying to, it is just becoming natural these days. I believe some people call it resting bitch face.
Thankfully my second trimester has brought a lot of the old me back but I still have to check myself. I've perfected the ultimate side eye and look of utter disgust. And both appear in public on a pretty routine basis. So for now, I just tell myself to just take deep breaths, it's only the hormones...
So mamas out there....
will the old me return?
or will I be this crazy version of myself for ever more?
Oh, hormones, I was not prepared for you.